On the Lighter Side : Military Humor

On the Lighter Side : Military Humor

A recent post pver at Walker's Retreat reminded me that I was long overdue revisiting "Skippy's List" - the list of things that Skippy is no longer allowed to do, or is pre-emptuvely banned from doing.

Explanations of these events:
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz…what is that?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? “Um….a rubber sheep…I can explain why that’s there….”)

Several of my favorites:

  • Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
  • Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.
  • The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.
  • Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
  • Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
  • Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
  • (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I did bring enough for everybody.
  • Not allowed to sing “High Speed Dirt” by Megadeth during airborne operations. (“See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker”)
  • “The Giant Space Ants” are not at the top of my chain of command.

Oh, and....

  • If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean “I have been promoted three more times than you”.

Lots more where that came from.

Also - before reading that article, I had not been familiar with a similar set of jokes about RPGs collectively referred to as "Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG." My favorite example already is number 9 - "My monk's lips must be in sync."

There's a half-orc out there that would get a laugh out of that.

About Last Redoubt

Ex nuke mechanic, jack of all trades.