Some, no, make that most people, simply have no idea how mind numbingly boring much of military life can be if you don’t develop the ability to “self soothe” in psycho-babble. This of course is one reason why military people are usually far better read, much less educated (with or without a college degree) than most liberals would ever believe.

See the USMC Commandant’s “required reading” list. last I checked it no longer includes RAH’s “Starship Troopers”, but did for quite a number of years.

That said, some aren’t inclined to read quite so much, and even those who are can spend a lot of time on watch where reading books is, shall we say, contraindicated. But practical jokes and wiseassery?

So, let me introduce you to a list of things that one “Skippy” did himself (and got in trouble or commended), witnessed another soldier do, was preemptively or spontaneously told not to do, or was clarification of the aforementioned.

If you claim you were in the military, and don’t bust a gut laughing, I seriously want to see your DD-214, or military ID.

A small sample:

  1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I’m supposed to be working.
  2. My proper military title is “Specialist Schwarz” not “Princess Anastasia”.
  3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
  4. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
  5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
  6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
  7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
  8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.
  9. Not allowed to title any product “Get Over it”.
  10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.
  11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.
  12. Not allowed to join any militia.
  13. Not allowed to form any militia.
  14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
  15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to “Sic Brass!”
  16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.
  17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

Oh, and…

  1. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.